"West Side Story" the classic (meaning "Written before you were born, 
unless you're *way* old) American musical, is playing now 
through.....well, Sunday, at the Gainesville Community Playhouse.
Tickets are sold out, but try the waiting list.....or just go see 
that South Park movie again.

In his director's notes, West Side Story director Bill Eyerly (or 
William J. Eyerly, Ph.D. to his friends) tells us that "The show's 
creators.....created a theatrical masterpiece that defines the term 
'timeless'."  This could be due to the fact that the entire plot was
lifted from a play that's over 300 years old......(Shakespeare's 
masterpiece "Romeo and Ethel the Pirate's Daughter")

In fact, I heartily recommend that you pick up a copy of the 
program--even if you don't see the play--just to see the wonderful 
way Mr. Eyerly words his director's notes.  Another example: "I've 
incorporated German Expressionistic themes into the set design....."
This is a highly impressive theatrical way of saying that there is an 
old Volkswagen Beetle built into the scenery.  He then goes on to say 
what basically boils down to, "West Side Story is *totally* different 
from Romeo and Juliet because Maria doesn't die at the end..."  But 
he says it in such a way that it *sounds* very intellectual.  I'm 
pretty sure that's how you get to be a Ph.D......

But what about the story itself?  Well, if you--like so many of us 
who went through the American Public Education System--were forced to 
read Romeo and Juliet in high school, so you could proudly sit at 
your graduation ceremony between two of your classmates who couldn't
spell their own names but were allowed to graduate anyway because 
they were legally old enough to drink alcoholic beverages, then you 
already know the plot.......two rival families (or "gangs"), played 
by the Montagues (or "Crips") and the Capulets (or "Bloods") don't 
like each other, and then everybody dies at the end.  (I'm assuming 
you, like the rest of us, just used the Cliffs Notes).  But West Side 
Story is so much more......it involves issues of love, youth, grief, 
death, dancing street gangs, and the Loch Ness Monster.....
Now, I know you're thinking to yourself, " That's ridiculous!!!  I 
don't believe it!!!!  Dancing *STREET GANGS*?!?!?!"
But it's true!  They dance and sing and laugh and play!  Like your 
typical street gang members, they show absolutely NO homophobia or 
fear that their frolicking will make people think they are the love 
child of Liberace and Oscar Wilde.

But before I start getting nasty letters from activists who have the 
time to write me nasty letters because they don't have real jobs, 
let's get into the plot.  Two rival street gangs are battling for 
control of a patch of street turf, apparently because stickball just 
didn't do it for them anymore.  The Jets are a group of All-American 
boys (one of them is anatomically a girl, but she's pretty butch), 
with stupid names, who have various hopes and dreams, all of which 
involve getting to at least 3rd base with the Jet Girls, or as they are 
officially known, the "Pink Taffeta Chicks From Hell".  The Sharks 
are a group of Puerto Rican immigrant teenagers whose families left their home to 
come to America because America is the Land Of Opportunity(tm), and 
also because their old home contained "too many damn Puerto Ricans."
The Sharks are apparently somewhat open-minded, because their gang 
seems to consist of Puerto Ricans of all nationalities.  The Sharks' 
primary mission in life also involves sex.  Essentially, everyone wants sex,
which I guess is where the timelessness of the play is truly evident.
The only problem is that none of them ever stops dancing long enough 
to actually talk to a girl.....("Hello.  What a lovely dress that is. 
It certainly is nice weather we're having.  Let's have sex now.")

So, eventually, the gangs figure out the only way they're ever going 
to let out their pent-up frustration is through open street warfare.
Meanwhile, Tony--a former Jet who nows works at Doc's, growing 
strange and unusual plants--and Maria--sister to one of the 
high-ranking Sharks--see each other at a street dance.  When their eyes 
meet across a crowded.....street, they both instantly realize that 
no matter what happens for the rest of their lives, right now what 
they most want is........sex.  With each other.  Yes, in that moment, 
they come to understand that they are completely in love and want to 
spend the rest of their lives together--a phenomenon that psychology 
experts refer to as "unbelievably stupid and short-sighted."  I mean, 
really, at least find out her NAME before you make a lifetime commitment, 
for God's sake!  Talk to her at least ONCE........

("Hello, my name is Tony."
 "And my name is Maria."
 "That certainly is a lovely dress."
 "Thank you.  And how about this weather we've been having?"
 "Yeah, whatever.  Wanna get married?"
 "Sure!"
 "Also, we can have sex!"
 "Yes, but we still have 3 more songs to sing first.....")

So anyway, Tony and Maria see each other on the sly, blah blah blah 
Rumble blah blah blah Tony kills Maria's brother blah blah 
blah Officer Krupke blah blah blah everybody dies.  The end.
Eventually, the Jets regroup and go on to defeat the Baltimore 
Colts in Super Bowl III.

And the songs are one of the reasons this play has become such a 
classic.  Songs like "Tonight", "America", "I Feel Pretty", and of 
course, "Maria", which goes something like this:

[sing and/or say the word "Maria" 187 times]
I just met a girl named Maria,
I just can't stop saying "Maria"
God, make me stop saying "Maria"
AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
[repeat]


And how does the cast do with this little story?  Overall, pretty 
well.  There are some obvious weak points, and some things that could 
have been better, but generally it's a pretty good show.....

It's hard to picture Jimmy Keaton as a former tough-guy gang member, but 
he's perfectly believable as the lovestruck part of Tony.  And he 
does a first-rate job of singing all the way through, until he is 
finally shot down by Chino, the carnivorous plant who desires Maria 
for its own.

And speaking of Maria, Morgan Anderson does a nice job here.  Her 
accent is shaky at times, but she sings wonderfully, and her voice 
blends beautifully with Jimmy's when they sing together.

Nick Darrow puts in a very nice performance as Riff, the leader of 
the Jets.  Likewise to Eric Loperena as the leader of the Sharks, and 
to Brett Farve as the leader of the Packers.

My favorite performance of the show was given by Marissa Martinez as 
Anita.  She played her part perfectly, never let her accent slip, and 
deftly walked that fine line between confidant-of-Maria and 
all-out-mega-ho.

The Jets in general were a lively, energetic group and impressed me 
significantly more than the Sharks.  

Give a nod to Jeremiah Braiman, the walk-on cast member who stumbled 
into the role of Glad Hand.  He reminded me a bit of a young Jerry 
Lewis.......for whatever that's worth......

Rich Mach does a good job as Officer Krupke.  He even wears a tie, 
which you don't see a lot of police officers doing these days.......
probably because IT MAKES IT MUCH EASIER FOR THE CRIMINALS
TO CHOKE YOU......

Oh, yeah, and I should probably mention:  the choreography and 
dancing in this show are GREAT.  I'd have to say it's the best single 
part of the show.  Unfortunately, the costumes are at the other 
extreme.....a big mishmash of clothes from completely different time 
periods, from preppy 80's shirts to 70's disco jackets.  Not too 
good....

Stage management duties are handled expertly as always by Erik Viker, 
with the ever-lovely Cristine Antolak assisting.  And I would be 
remiss in not mentioning the beautiful, perfectly-sized-nose-having 
Jenny Slattery, one of the most talented, inexcusably-underutilized 
performers GCP has ever known.  I suppose it's fitting that her last 
appearance on the GCP stage occurs entirely in the dark.  Fitting, 
perhaps, but by no means right.......

So get yourselves down to GCP pronto, and put yourselves on the 
waiting list for this show.  You'll probably have more success if you 
let them know you're willing to pay $9 to stand in the back of the 
theatre, or hang from the ceiling, or something.  Remember GCP's 
motto: "I think that Fire Marshal's maximum occupancy number is more 
of a guideline than a rule......"

Coming up next: I pick the Apples!  And whatever entendres you can 
make out of that, it's NOT what I meant.  Stay tuned.....

-john