Well, let's just get right to it, shall we?  You all know the classic 
story of The Wizard of Oz, and now GCP is presenting the play based on 
the movie based on the book.  And since the show is probably pretty 
much sold out, your own personal chances of getting in to see it are 
rather slim.  Fortunately, you have me; and I will now present a 
brief marrative version of the play, so you won't feel bad about not 
getting tickets......


Dorothy:  "Well, it looks like Uncle Henry just got through rebuilding 
the house again.  That's the 4th time this year.  Darn tornadoes."

Toto: "Woof."  ("Why did have to get rescued from the animal shelter 
by morons?")

Auntie Em: "Dorothy!  What have I told you about standing outside and 
talking to yourself?"

Dorothy:  "You told me it was the only entertainment around in this 
God-forsaken desert that is 1930's Kansas."

Auntie Em:  "Oh, that's right.......Carry on, then."

Dorothy (singing):  "Somewhere we'll find it, the rainbow connection; 
the farmhands, the schnauzers, and me...."

Toto:  *sigh*

Rube #1:  "Hmmm.....looks like another storm's a' comin'...."

Rube #2:  "Yep.  Better get down to the storm cellar."

Dorothy:  "You go ahead.  I think this would be a good time to run 
away.  C'mon, Toto!"

Toto:  "Woof."  ("Could someone please just kill me now?")

(Insert scene of strangely dressed people carrying random objects 
around the stage for no apparent reason.)

Mr. Tornado:   "Now's the time on Sprockets when we dance!!!"

Dorothy:  "What....what happened?"

Glinda the Newberry Watermelon Queen.....er, Good Witch:  "Your house 
landed on the Wicked Witch of the East."

Dorothy:  "You mean Kathie Lee Gifford?'

Glinda:  "Yes.  And now she's dead.  I'm afraid I'm going to have to 
arrest you for murder...."

Dorothy:  "What?!?!?  But I, but....."

Glinda:  "Haha!  Just kidding!  Here in Oz, it's okay to commit 
murder, as long as you kill someone we don't like."

Dorothy:  (nervously)  "Haha.  Well, that's a relief."

Glinda:  "I suggest you don't do anything to piss us off....."

Toto:  "Woof."  ("If the house landed *on* the witch, then why are 
her legs off to the *side* of the house like that?")

Glinda:  "Okay, Munchkins, you can come out now.  Our guest is 
unarmed."

(Insert wacky Munchkin mayhem here)

Dorothy:  "Okay, well, I'll just follow the Yellow Brick Road then.  
Um, where exactly would that be?"

Glinda:  (looking down)  "Why, it's right there at your fee--.......okay, who was 
supposed to be in charge of painting the damn road???"

Dorothy:  "I'll just take I-75.  It'll be faster."

Glinda:  "Okey-dokey."

Wicked Witch of West(WWW):  "Not so fast, my pretty!  I'll get you, 
and your little dog, too!"

Dorothy:  "How did you know I had a dog?  He went off stage well 
before you got here."

WWW:  "Um, well......my crystal ball told me."

Munchkin Mayor:  "But your 'crystal ball' is just a clear plastic planter 
that you bought from the garden center at Wal-Mart."

WWW:  "Shhhhhhhh!  Ix-nay on the anter-play."

Dorothy:  "Hey, witch, I just thought of something cool.  If you had 
a web site, the address would be www.WWW.com!  Neat!"

WWW:  "Yes, well, I'll be leaving now, but I'll get revenge on you 
later for killing my sister, little girl!"

Dorothy:  "Yeah, like I was steering the house with a rudder and 
dropped it on your sister like a smart bomb.  That's exactly what 
I was doing.  Yep."

WWW:  "Quiet, you!"  (she leaves)

Dorothy:  "Okay, well, I'm off to see the Wizard."

Munchkin Mayor:  "Have fun stormin' the castle!"

Glinda:  "You think it'll work?"

Munchkin Mayor:  "It would take a miracle....."

(cut to cornfield)

Dorothy:  "Excuse me, Mr. Scarecrow, could you tell us how to get to 
the Emerald City?"

Scarecrow:  "You see this yellow brick road you've been following for 
the past 3 days?  Well, keep following it."

Dorothy:  "And that will take us to the Emerald City?"

Scarecrow:  "No, but it will take you AWAY from ME."

Dorothy:  "You're not very nice."

Toto:  "Woof."  ("Hey, you'd be mean too if you had a six-foot pole 
up your a.......")

Dorothy:  "Toto!!!  Bad dog!"

Toto:  "Woof."  ("Heheheheheheeheeee.")

(cut to forest of bizarre-looking apple trees)

Tin Man:  "Help me."

Dorothy:  "Oh dear, what's wrong?"

Tin Man:  "I'm all hard and stiff.  I need you to oil me up."

Dorothy:  "I'm sorry, but that's going to cost you 50 bucks."

Larry in the Light Booth:  "HAHAHAAA!!!  Hey, wait, that's my *daughter*"

Apple tree #1:  "Why do we look like the mushroom people from Super 
Mario Brothers III?"

Witty House Manager With Unsurpassed Comic Timing:  "How do you like 
THEM apples?  Hahahahahaha!  Haha.  Ha?   I'll just be quiet now...."

(cut to other forest)

Scarecrow:  "I hope there aren't any lions in this forest."

Toto:  "Woof."  ("Lions don't live in the forest, you dolt.  They 
live on the plains.  Don't you watch the Discovery Channel?")

(suddenly, a wolf appears)

Wolf:  "Hello, little girl, what's your rush?  You're missing all the 
flowers....."

Dorothy:  "Excuse me?"

Wolf:  "The sun won't set for hours....."

Dorothy:  "What are you TALKING about???"

Wolf:  "Um, aren't you Little Red Riding Hood?"

Dorothy:  "NO!"

Wolf:  "I guess that means those two aren't Jack and the Baker?"

Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man:  "NO!!!!!"

Wolf:  "Sorry.  My mistake."  (He disappears into the bushes)

(cut to Emerald City)

Dorothy:  "Hello.  We'd like to see the Wizard, please."

Guard:  "Which one?  Gandalf?  Merlin?  Harry Potter?"

Lion:  "Oooh!  I wanna see Harry Potter!"

Guard:  "Okey-dokey."  (He leaves and returns with Harry Potter)

Lion:  "Yay!   CHOMP!"  (Lion proceeds to eat Harry Potter.)

Scarecrow:  "Oh my God!  He ate Harry Potter!"

Toto:  "Woo--"  ("You basta--")

Dorothy:  "Toto!  No!  This is a kids' show!"

Tin Man:  "So, Lion, how did Harry Potter taste?"

Lion:  "*Burp*  Way overrated....."

Dorothy:  "Anyway, we'd like to see the Wizard of Oz now, if you 
don't mind."

Guard:  "You mean Major League Baseball's Ozzie Smith?"

Dorothy:  "Just step aside before I have to cut you, okay?"

(cut to Wizard's chamber)

Wizard:  "And then you must kill the Wicked Witch, and bring me 
back....."

Dorothy:  "Her broomstick?"

Wizard:  "No.......a shubbery!!!"

Dorothy:  "Yeah, whatever.  Let's just hurry up and get this stupid 
show over with."

(cut to Wicked Witch's castle)

WWW:  "Hmmm....my field full of poppies didn't work.  Maybe I'll have 
to resort to something so stupid and inane that it was completely cut 
out of the movie version of this story.  Muhahahahahaa!!!"

(cut to.....wherever everybody is at the moment)

Dorothy:  "Oh no!  It's the jitterbug!  It's making us dance!  I'm 
exhausted."

Tin Man:  "Exhausted?  You've been dancing for *5 minutes*.  Maybe 
you need to excerise the old cardiovascular system a bit more 
often....."

Dorothy:  "Hey!  At least I *have* a cardiovascular system!"

Lion and Scarecrow:  "Oooooh!  Burn!"

(cut to Witch's castle)

WWW:  "Now I've got you, my pretty!  And I think we'll be dining on 
dog tonight!"

Dorothy:  "You mean you're going to kill Toto?"

WWW:  "No, I was just going to order Chinese.........although now 
that you mention it, killing your dog would be a good way to get 
revenge on you.  On the other hand, the Oz chapter of the Meat is 
Murder society would be all over me about that....."

Dorothy:  "When did anyone start caring about the Meat is Murder society?"

WWW:  "Oh, they scored a huge public relations coup when they snapped 
a picture of OJ Simpson at McDonalds ordering a double cheeseburger."

(pause, while you think about that last line, which is really quite 
funny once you understand the subtlety of it.....)

Dorothy:  "Yeah, whatever.   I'm going to have to kill you now with this 
bucket of water."

WWW:  "HA!  In case you hadn't noticed, there IS NO WATER in that 
bucket!  HAHAHAHAHHAA!"

Dorothy:  "I know.  I was just going to hit you over the head with the 
bucket until you stop breathing."

WWW:  "Do you mind if I spontaneously melt away instead?"

Dorothy:  "I guess I could live with that."

WWW:  "Well, that makes one of us....."

(cut back to Munchkin Land)

Glinda:  "You've always had the power to go home, Dorothy."

Dorothy:  "So why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

Glinda:  "Mostly, I was waiting for the LSD to wear off.  But you're 
ready to go now.  All you have to do is click your heels together 3 times 
and repeat after me:  Show me the money."

Dorothy:  "Show me the money.....show me the money.....show me 
thzzzzzzzzzzz........."

(Insert psychedelic colors here)

Munchkin Chorus:  "Well, one pill makes you big/ And the next one 
makes you small/ Go ask Dorothy/ When she's 10 feet tall......."

(cut back to Kansas)

Dorothy:  "And you were there, Aunt Em, and you taught me to use the 
Force; and Uncle Henry was there, but he was a leprechaun;  the 
farmhands were there too, and I'm pretty sure they were all gay...."

Auntie Em:  "Henry, be a dear and go fetch Dorothy's lithium."

Uncle Henry:  "You'll be fine now, Dorothy.  The storm only tore off 
half of the house this time, and I've gotten it almost all fixed 
up...."

Rube #2:  "Uh-oh.....looks like another storm's a' comin'...."

Uncle Henry:  "Dammit!!!!"


THE END



Now, as far as the other elements of this production......


The acting overall is very good.  The 4 main characters (5, if you 
count the dog) all turn in fine performances, particularly Henry 
Wihnyk as the Lion and Cristi Resczenski as Dorothy.  Cristi does 
such a good impersonation of Judy Garland that it's just a matter of 
time before she starts in on the booze.  Sue Addis as the Wicked 
Witch does a fine job without overdoing the whole evil schtick.

The only glaring problem in the acting was with some of the kids 
playing the Munchkins.  There were quite a few good ones, mostly the 
ones you already knew were good (Sissy Bell, Brittney Kelly, Crimson 
Roe, Jimmy Resczenski, etc.)   But a few of the kids clearly didn't 
belong on the stage.  The whole deer-in-the-headlights look is cute 
enough that the audience will forgive it, but it belongs in the 
elementary school, not at GCP.

The costumes are much more of a mixed bag.  The 4 main characters are 
all perfectly dressed, but from there it really goes south.  The 
Witch's costume is fine, but the green makeup covering her face and 
hands clearly had some open spaces.  I don't think that's anybody's 
fault, because there are some severe time constraints involved, but 
it's still something I noticed.  Something I noticed even more was 
the costumes worn by the Munchkins.  What the heck was up with those? 
It honestly looked like they just gave each kid $20 and sent them in 
to buy their own costume at a clothing store called The Blind Hippie.
You could tell they were trying for "Whimsical", but what they ended 
up with was "Freaky".  And don't even get me started on the apple 
"trees".....

But just when you thought things couldn't get less aesthetic, along 
comes the set.  Now, the painted trees on the set are nice, and the 
house doesn't look bad;  but I swear there were at least 3 or 4 set 
pieces brought on during the show, and I didn't have the slightest 
clue what they were.  There was a thing that I think was supposed to 
be a tree, but wasn't quite.  Then there was the corn, which I swear 
looked to me from the back of the theatre like it was inflatable.  
And there was some other cactus-looking thing that I still don't 
understand the purpose of....

And another noticeable problem was the positioning of the orchestra, 
which was on stage on a raised platform.  Now, I don't mind seeing 
the orchestra, but at times the music was just too loud.  Crisit 
Resczenski has a lovely voice, but she was close to the orchestra 
when she sang Over The Rainbow, and she was getting drowned out on 
some of the notes.


Overall, this is a good show.  The important roles are all 
well-acted, and the main costumes are good.  There are a lot of minor 
problems with the production, but the core is solid.  If you're an Oz 
fan, you should be quite happy with this show.  If you're a theatre 
fan in general, you might notice the problems a little more, but you 
should enjoy the show anyway.  Not that it matters, since you 
probably won't be able to get tickets anyway.  In the words of Toto:
"Woof."  ("Are you gonna eat the rest of that sauasage?")


:)
-john