"The Pirates of Penzance", now playing through Feb. 19 at the Gainesville Community Playhouse, is a silly little musical written over 100 years ago by the unlikely team of Melissa Gilbert and Ed Sullivan. The musical itself is okay--not great.....but the performances put in by many in this GCP cast are nothing short of phenomenal. The story starts out.....well, okay, there really isn't any story.....it's mostly just a bunch of people singing. Remember, this was written a long time ago, before the invention of the plot. Anyway, there's these guys--the Pirates of Panache--who go around doing....pirate things, such as making illegal copies of software and selling them on the Asian market. However, they are somewhat less than successful, mostly due to predatory pricing tactics by Microsoft. And yet still the Pirates of Pinochet continue their outlaw ways, because of their scorn for "civilized society". (Also, "civilized society" would never take them back, because they're wearing costumes that would embarrass The Village People.) The "story" centers around Frederic, a young pirate with supremely strong moral convictions. Frederic's morals are so strong that the only reason he goes around raping and pillaging with the other Pirates of Penzoil is because THERE'S A PIECE OF PAPER THAT SAYS HE HAS TO. If I recall my history correctly, that's exactly the kind of moral justification that let all those Nazis walk scot-free out of the courtroom at Nuremberg. So anyway, fast-forward a bit.....Frederic leaves the Pirates of Penn State, and winds up on an island with.....THE GIRLS OF CASTLE ANTHRAX!!! Eleven of them, all daughters of the Major-General, all between 16 and 19 1/2, all magically babelicious. Frederic, being the upstanding moral person that he is (and also because he lost the piece of paper that lets him rape and pillage), chooses Mabel, the only maiden of the eleven who would agree to never ever have sex with him, thus making her a proper wife. The other ten sigh and try to get Frederic to spank them. Then the play goes on.....there are a few turning points that one might call plot twists, except that a) they aren't nearly that sophisticated, and b) there still isn't really a plot to speak of. Suffice it to say that the Girls of Castle Anthrax and the Pirates of Flashdance all live happily ever after....or they all die horribly when an asteroid smashes into the castle (I don't want to give away the ending for people who haven't seen it yet) As I said before, the performances are what really makes this play worth watching. And the absolute best performance was put in by: Nicholas Barnes as Frederic. Frederic is the key character, and Nick does a flawless job portraying him. His singing is right on, and in his Act-2 costume he looks just like a young Antonio Banderas. He could almost carry the show himself if he had to. Karin Fielding as Mabel. Mabel's job in this play is basically to sing a bunch of high notes, and oh, wow, does Karin ever pull that off. But she also shows off the sweetness of her voice on songs such as, "Poor, Wandering One". Very, very nice. The Girls of Castle Anthrax, as themselves. I always say it never hurts to throw in some sexy ladies, and somebody listened to me in a major way. And these babes can sing too! It's enough to make a Pirate of Pinstripes want to give up a life of raping and pillaging and settle down--or to just go ahead and keep on raping and pillaging right then and there. Rich Mach as the Pirate King. Rich puts in a very solid performance, particularly when you consider he had a sprained ankle the whole time, and I never even noticed. I had no idea until he told me about it after the show, which leads me to believe that he is a BIG FREAKIN' LIAR!!!! But seriously, anyone who can keep a straight face for two hours while wearing such an unbelievably silly hat must be doing something right.... Pete Roe as the Major General wins the award for silliest character in a silly play. His voice was a bit too soft and tended to get lost in the music, but his silly choreography was extrememly funny. The Policemen as a group were pretty good, too. They come on in Act II to hunt down the Pirates of Pakistan with small batons....apparently so they can challenge them to a relay race. Their comical prop mustaches were hilarious, especially Bill Sabis' (Note: just kidding, Bill.) Sue Addis has a nice turn as Ruth, the aging nursemaid who tries to seduce a young Dustin Hoffman. Linda Sabis, Caitlyn Thomas, and Katie Watts also do well as the featured Castle Anthrax Girls (tm). As for what's not to like about this play, there isn't a lot. The set isn't particularly impressive, consisting mostly of......I don't know-- termite mounds, or something. Plus some "rocks" that look more like beanbag chairs with rigor mortis. Although you can forgive that when you realize the physical limitations of the theatre, and the fact that the set has to be completely changed at halftime. The pirate ensemble wasn't especially good either, but I pretty much forgot all about them when the Major-General's daughters took the stage. I also realized where most of the costume budget went...which is not to say it wasn't worth it...... Finally, the play itself isn't exactly a tour de France (or whatever). There's very little in the way of a plot, and most of the "songs" are just sung dialogue. However, if you get enough talented people together on a stage, you can make almost anything look good, and credit director Bob Garrigues for doing exactly that. Plus, the show doesn't drag at all, and there was never any point where I started to feel bored. Overall, this a solid production with some top-notch individual performances. Well worth your time and money. Get your tickets now, because I can see this one selling out pretty soon. -john