Finally, GCP's "Children of Eden" has the answer for all of you who've constantly thought to yourself, "Gee, I really like the book of Genesis, but I don't understand why it couldn't have come with a musical score." The answer is: "Because it would have sucked." Well, maybe "suck" is too strong a word, but this is definitely not as good as show as when they did it last year and called it "Once on This Island." What's that, you say? An entirely different show? I think not. "...Island" was about a god played by Frank Edmondson who made it rain a lot, whereas "Children of Eden" is about.....the exact same thing. The only difference is that the cast of "...Island" was WAY more talented. "Children of Eden" is essentially the story of the book of Genesis, except that it takes a few artistic liberties, such as totally making everything up. But, really, if you can't take some liberties with the holy, sacred word of God, then organized religion has taught us nothing. The story begins as God is pondering the creation of the universe with his assistant, who was probably named Smithers. What follows is an actual theoretical transcript, taken directly from what might have been directly recorded as part of the Bible if it had actually happened: God: Well, Smithers, I'm almost finished. The only thing left is to create my greatest masterpiece....my children. Smithers: Yes, sir. God: I think I'll make them inquisitive and insatiably curious....then I'll give them a temptation they couldn't possibly resist; and when they give in to it, I'll toss them out of paradise forever! Smithers: Uh, sir, is that really fair? God: Heavens, no. If I wanted to be fair, I'd make them all gods like me. I prefer to have beings who are totally subservient to me in every way.... Smithers: *sigh* Yes, sir.... .....Later that day..... God: So, Adam and Eve, how are you enjoying your new existence? Adam: It's super! Especially the sex part! God: Ah, yes, well, I thought I would have that for both of you to enjoy.... Eve: Wait, you mean we're BOTH supposed to enjoy that? But Adam said that only the man was supp-- Adam: (Cutting her off) Ix-nay on the enjoyment-ay. God: Yes, well, it's time for me to tell you something very important. You see that tree over there? If you touch it or eat of its fruit, wonderful and magical things will happen to you; and you'll know the answer to every question you may have...... So be sure never, ever to go near it. Now, since I'm God, I could put a big electric fence around it, but instead I'll leave it completely unguarded as I turn my back for several hours..... Remember, you must never eat the fruit, despite all the wonderful things that will happen to you if you do......... Adam: So, Eve, what should we do now? Eve: Wanna go eat the fruit off that tree? Adam: Okey-dokey. God: Ex-cellent. And things pretty much went downhill from there.....Adam and Eve were banished to the wasteland....but it wasn't so bad, because the Earth was still very new, and at this point it was only teenage wasteland. So, Adam and Eve worked the fields and had children, and taught us things about the Bible we never knew, such as: -Cain killed Abel in self-defense, with a blow that would not be enough to knock down a boxer who was planning to take a dive. -God, who is black, created two pasty white people "in his own image." -God then created the druids, who built Stonehenge, which Cain finds on his trip to England. -Eve wasn't tempted by a snake, but rather by seven showgirls who make her part of their act. (One the showgirls was technically a guy, but not really....) -After Cain and Abel, Eve went on to have other children, and grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.....a number of whom were visibly older than she was..... But just when you thought you were safe from Adam and Eve, because they were dead, they come back in Act II as Noah and his wife, Joan of Ark. Meanwhile, God, in his infinite love and mercy and forgiveness, has decreed that anyone descended from Cain is considered an outcast and will be killed by a great flood, even if they personally have never done anything wrong. And so God commanded Noah to build a great ark, which was later raided by Indiana Jones, and bring all the creatures of the Earth together for a bizzare-looking animal prom scene. Noah and his wife have 3 children, one of whom is named Ham (which is just a wonderful name for an Ultra-Orthodox Jew.) So Noah and Ham and the other brothers Shemp and Gepetto board the ark with their various and sundry wives and livestock and sit through 40 days and 40 nights of rain, which sounds like a lot, but is actually considered a "dry season" in Seattle. There's a slight hitch with Gepetto's wife Yonah (who would latered be honored in a song by The Kinks), who technically bore the mark of Cain (which actually looks more like the mark of pi) but was allowed on the boat anyway because they needed a waitress. At the end of the voyage, Noah wipes the mark of Cain from Yonah's forehead, forever relieving her of that stigma. Of course, if he had thought to do that for everybody *before* the flood, there might not have been any need for God to commit genocide; although you have to wonder if He would've done it anyway, just for fun..... Finally, after many long days at sea, Noah begs God to send a sign. Obliging him, God sends a dove with some marijuana, to signify that everything is groovy with the world once again. After the ark makes its landing, Noah's children go their separate ways, as witnessed in the following poignant scene: Noah: So, where will you go now, my children? Shemp: I will go to the east, where I will build grand cities on the coast and have fleets of fishing boats and slaughter many whales. Ham: I shall go south, taking with me the magnificent rhinos and elephants, and there I shall kill them for their ivory so that I may make pianos and other lovely trinkets. Gepetto: I will cross the sea and go west, where I will clear-cut the forests, pollute the air, and generally rape the environment for as long as it shall bring me profit. God: Smithers, turn the rain back on...... So, as you can see, the show itself isn't the greatest, which coincidentally also happens to sum up the acting. There are a couple bright spots, though.... -Erin Pearson as Eve/Joan of Ark does a very fine job singing and acting......but for the love of God, *must* she walk around the stage the entire time with her chest thrust out like that? Okay, Eve's got some breasts on her, I get the point. Please put them back now.... -Cristi "Not Even I Know How To Spell My Last Name" Resczenski is excellent as Yonah. She does a fine rendition of what is probably the best song in the show, "Stranger to the Rain" -Frank Edmondson is wonderful as always playing Agwe, god of water. Although I still don't quite understand why God ages throughout the play......or why he wears that 70's medallion. From there, the overall talent level is about what you'd expect from a show where nearly everyone who auditioned got cast. Loren Omer as Showgirl #7 and Kirk Scott as Cain both do well. The chorus sings pretty well, and Noah's son's and their wives are played competently. There are a whole bunch of kids in this play, and probably only about 1/3 of them were necessary. On the other hand, this is GCP, where the audience doesn't understand the difference between cuteness and quality. Overall, the cast gets a B-; most of the roles were filled pretty well, but a few important ones were filled not-so-well. The set design is a little harder to grade, in the sense that I couldn't detect any. In Act I, there's a giant, ugly tree that looks like it's been assimilated by the Borg; and in Act II, there's a wall painted to look vaguely like part of an ark. Not exactly what I would acll inspired. And getting back to that tree for a moment, what the *hell* is up with that??? Apparently, the tree of knowledge failed to communicate to someone the knowledge of what a tree looks like. I've seen many different kinds of trees in my life, and exactly none of them were made from dryer exhaust hoses. Let me say that again: DRYER EXHAUST HOSES. I am not making this up, people.....that is actually what the tree is made of. I don't know what fudged-up, Blade Runner world the people who made that tree were living in, but it ain't this one..... In summary, this is a halfway-decent production of a halfway-decent show, if you can ignore the total lack of a coherent set. It may be worth 2 1/2 hours of your life, but it's probably not worth ten bucks. There have been many worse shows at GCP, but there have certainly been a lot of better ones..... -john