John's Damn Fast And Simple Waffles
John's Damn Fast And Simple Waffles
Preparation time: Damn short.
You'll need:
- Frozen waffles
- A toaster
- The Hope Diamond
Place waffles in toaster (one waffle per toaster slot). Turn toaster
dial setting to "WAFFLE" (If your toaster dial does not have this setting,
you will need to use the Hope Diamond to etch the word "WAFFLE" on to your
toaster. It doesn't matter where you etch it in, as long as it is clear
where to turn the dial to set the toaster for "WAFFLE"). Push the toaster
handle down, and hum the theme from Final Jeopardy¹ until either your
waffle pops up, or the song causes you to go insane and smash your toaster
into tiny bits. Remove waffle from toaster and put on plate. Add butter,
syrup, and/or your favorite toppings.
¹Jeopardy and Final Jeopardy are registered
trademarks of the large, powerful, and unbelievably anal Sony
Corporation.