The History of Waffles
Waffles have been in existence in one form or another for well over 2,000
years. Most historians agree that the Chinese were the first civilization
to make waffle batter. However, since they lacked the traditional
ingredients of flour, eggs, and milk, they were forced to use foods more
readily available to them, such as rice, soybeans, and cottage cheese.
Also, they had no way to create the indentations in the waffle, and were
forced to simply cook them in a pan in a simple cake shape. These "pan
cakes", as they were known, were a primitive beginning for the food
product that would one day shape the course of man's destiny.The waffle remained in its primitive "pan cake" form for the next 17 centuries, although there were various attempts to improve upon it. For instance, a popular waffle variation in Ireland invloved substituting the flour and milk with potatoes and whiskey. These waffles had trouble retaining a coherent shape, and tended to spontaneously combust during cooking, but for some reason were extremely popular anyway.
Finally, in 1734, the big breakthrough occurred, quite by accident, in a small restaurant in London's lower east side. A cook was trying out his new electric grill, making "pan cakes" for one customer, and steak and eggs for another. As the "pan cake" cooked on the grill, the cook was pounding on the steak with a meat tenderizer. His wife called out to him, and he looked away briefly, continuing to pound on the grill. When he looked back, he found his aim had shifted, and he had been pounding on the "pan cake", which now had many small indentations in it. At first, the cook was angry, thinking he had ruined the "pan cake"; but as he looked closer at it, he realized that the indentations could hold syrup or melted butter far better than a normal "pan cake" could. Spurred on by this revelation, he flipped the improved "pan cake" over and pounded on the other side, creating more of the intriguing indentations. Excitedly, he rushed to his refrigerator and grabbed the plastic squeeze bottle of syrup, then hurried back to the grill, where his waffle was beginning to turn a nice golden brown. Anxiously, he used his titanium-alloy spatula to lift the waffle off the grill and onto a plate. As he poured the syrup, he noted how the indentations prevented it from running off the side of the waffle, the main problem with the "pan cake". He bit into the waffle, and tasted the wholesome goodness, and knew that he had stumbled upon a great discovery. Unfortunately, as he rushed out of the kitchen to tell his wife, he slipped on the floor, broke his neck, and died instantly. However, his wife sold the idea for the waffle to an entrepreneur named James Shoney (If that name sounds familiar, it should....it was the inspiration for the name of the band Tommy James and the Shondells). Later on, the wife sold the restaurant and used the money to buy a country house in Westchester and a used Buick sedan.
James Shoney knew the idea of the waffle would be hugely popular with the public, so he decided to open his own restaurant. Being a rather uncreative person he named it after himself, and on February 17, 1735, James' Restaurant™ opened for business. The waffle was an unbelievable success, and James Shoney made huge profits. That is, he made huge profits until hundreds of other restaurants stole the idea and also started serving waffles while undercutting his prices, a process which took about a month and a half. James Shoney was forced to declare bankruptcy and died penniless on the streets of London less than a year later. The waffle, however, lived on, and has become one of our most beloved foods today.
Since the time of James Shoney, there have been many new advancements in
waffle technology. For example, no longer do we have to pound on a "pan
cake" in order to create a waffle; now we simply pour the batter into a
waffle iron and let it do the work for us. Although, quite frankly,
pounding on it would be cheaper and sounds like a lot more fun.
Some other waffle advances include:
Words That Rhyme With "Waffle"
Words That Don't Rhyme With "Waffle"
Some Words On The Same Page As "Waffle" In The
Dictionary²
²Taken from the American Heritage Pocket Dictionary
With All The Really Dirty Words Edited Out
Some Words That Can Be Mistaken For The
Word "Waffle" From Quite A Long Way Away
Some Anagrams Of The Word
"Waffle"
Acronyms That Can Be Made From The Word
"Waffle"
There are quite a few celebrities out there whose lives have been
dramatically altered by waffles. For example, one morning after eating a
waffle, Bill Gates said to himself, "Mmmmm, that was a good waffle....you
know, I bet if I paid off those Justice Department officials to the tune
of a couple million bucks, I could really break some anti-trust
laws..."³ So take a look through these familiar faces and see how
their lives have been affected by waffles.
³Not necessarily entirely true.
This is Danny Wuerffel. He holds the NCAA career record for passing efficiency.
He also won the Heisman Trophy and led his team to a national
championship. His name sounds a lot like "waffle". Coincidence? I think
not....
This is Julia Roberts. She is one major babe. I like her almost as much
as I like waffles. Sometimes I have this dream where she comes to my
house wearing nothing but waffles and asks me to eat them off of her. I'd
tell you the rest of the dream, but it would probably be illegal in
Canada (See Other Waffle Advances). Let's just say
it also involves syrup. Lots of syrup.
