Jon wrote this poem in memory of our mother, Pauline Neelands

A Very, Very Bad Poem

by Jonathan Neelands

Mom was one of those folks
Who loved corny jokes
You could tell that the moment you met her
And she loved to share puns
With her daughters and sons
Her Motto: the worser the better

When family gathered
The things that most mattered
Were laughing, loving, and eating
And when evening-time came
There'd be some word games
Sometimes with the whole house competing

We'd play limerick
Until we made ourselves sick
Then wisely put that game to rest
And above all the babble
Mom would say "How about scrabble?"
For that was the game she loved best

She knew lots of strange words,
Like the names of weird birds
She knew seventeen words with no vowels
and then hundreds more
To assure a high score
Including ten different words that meant bowels

She loved to be tested
But not so much bested
So her playing was cutthroat and wild
But no way could she hide
Her joy and and her pride
When beaten by her youngest grandchild

Now this poem so awful
It should be unlawful
May not reach the heavens above
But mom won't need to hear me
To always be near me
I know that she knew she was loved

---

I wrote this one just to prove he's not the only one with poetic capabilities and a sensitive side.

I Love To Fart

by Kevin Neelands

I love to fart
It's quite an art
to be flatulent in a affluent way.
If it feels nice
I'll do it twice
Sometimes seven or eight times a day.

When I drink beer
I truly put fear
into the heart of every man for miles aroun'.
But when I eat beans
better call the marines
'cause the blast can level a good-sized town.

The eruption of gas
from this crack in my ass
is something that's made me quite famous.
For sounds melodic
and smells exotic
there's nothing like burping your anus.